Searching for Utopia

Adam caught cold. He barely slept last night — waking up every hour and crying because of stuffy nose.

He calmed down everytime I carried him, but then cried again whenever I put him down on the bed.

It started at 2 AM up to the time he woke up at 6. Poor baby.

I know I’m not alone in this. Influenza is such a common disease, it will disappear before I know — I hope, at least. But I couldn’t help feeling sad to see him sick.

Adam hardly gets sick. He’s a bubbly baby who giggles all day, even while sleeping. He’s friendly even with strangers — hmm, I should teach him to stop talking to strangers .

His worst sickness so far was when he caught flu after getting flu vaccine. It lasted for around two weeks. But the thing is, I was armed with medications then. This time I was caught off guard. I didn’t even have any nasal drops ready.

I know I should’ve, but the drops expire only in one month after first usage. A few days ago I discarded my last stock, and hadn’t gotten it replaced. Bad mistake.

It’s fascinating to be a mother, but it’s also hard work. I guess most mothers would have to deal with their children’s sickness at times — my mom being one. I can’t recall how many times I had fallen sick in my childhood, but I’m sure she was there for me everytime. I bet it wasn’t easy.

Some mothers go to work, either out of needs or interest. She didn’t.

She was there for me 24/7. She nursed me when I was sick. I’m sure there were no nasal drops at that time. But she stayed awake with me everytime I couldn’t sleep — or when I had to do homeworks. She sang to me, read me stories. She cooked and cleaned for me. She taught me how to read — it wasn’t my teacher who made me read. She taught me two languages, and she never even graduated from high school. And after all that, she let me go when the time came.

My mom was a full-time homemaker, and I’m grateful that she was. I’m lacking in many things, but I hope I could be as selfless to Adam as she’s been to me.

A lot of things can affect babies’ sleeping, stuffy nose, jet lag, excitement, hunger, anger, etc. And when they don’t sleep, their mommies won’t sleep too.

The difference is when the babies can sleep afterwards, their mommies should stay awake to clean up the mess.

I had never said thanks to my mom for raising me. I should.

It’s a bit too early, but have a happy Mother’s Day, Mom!*

Mother’s Day is celebrated on December 22 in Indonesia

What did you do last weekend?

We went downtown to catch Hi-5 in action. It was a fun twenty-minute performance — more for me rather than Adam though.

Most of the time the music confused him since he couldn’t really tell where it came from. He ended up watching small tv showing toys advertisements — poor baby!

The gang did well. They sang and dance throughout the show, and they were friendly too — unlike some certain boybands I used to go crazy about, back in my heyday :p

Adam is chatting up with his dad.

This is why I haven’t got the chance to post so many entries — somebody keeps wanting to use my computer

I’ve been trying to introduce Indonesian and Hungarian recipes to Adam, so that he can get used to eating both.

He eats well, although there are times when he refused to eat anything but Heinz’ custard.

So this is my own version of custard. Luckily Adam also loves it.

It’s easy to make, and a good source of protein, calcium and iron.

Ingredients:
400 ml water
100 ml milk — I use breast milk
Fruit puree — I’ve tried banana, pear and mango (one at a time)
Ground brown rice cereal — Cook according to instructions on package
2 tablespoon custard — mix well with 2 tablespoon milk (I omit the sugar since the fruit is usually sweet enough)

* Bring water to a boil, add fruit puree, brown rice and milk.

* Stir in prepared custard mix, return to boil, simmer for 2-3 minutes stirring continously.

* Let cool.

What could you be doing all day when you have a one-year old baby? A lot, if you asked me, and I’m not talking about the household chores.

Unlike many of his friends, Adam still can’t walk. He’s still learning to stand on his own.

But he’s grown a lot since last year — not just physically.

When we were in Hungary last month, his grandma taught him to clap his hands. It took him only a few times to pick up the skill.

Now he can also wave goodbye and give a high five.

He likes exploring with his hands, and that gives us many options on what to play.

Adam loves sound too. No wonder at twelve months he still plays with his rattles.

He doesn’t really need expensive toys. Just put a coin inside an empty plastic bottle, and give it to him. He’ll be thrilled to shake it.

Tearing newspapers and plastic bags are also among his favorite things to do.

But when he gets cranky, there is one thing that would calm him down: Hi-5.

He doesn’t have the patience to watch the whole show, but he wouldn’t miss the song.

Can’t blame him, even I’ve found their songs catchy.

Stevie Nicholson is no Zac Efron, but he knows how to entertain kids.

Tim and the girls are also very cute. Unlike some Disney stars, they keep their clothes on all the time. My personal favorite is Casey.

So what I usually did was selecting the videos on YouTube and just played them. Altogether it would take around twenty minutes, and I’d have a happy baby afterwards.

Meanwhile, I could steal some time to wash the dishes or prepare dinner.

Here’s Adam’s favorite song. Enjoy!

It’s well past midnight in Singapore, and I haven’t slept a wink. Feeling like an emotional wreck for no reason.

I’m sure I’m way past baby blues period of postpartum. Adam has grown to be a super cute and healthy boy. I have nothing to worry about.

What is it then? Depleted mother syndrome? PMS?

Whatever it is, I hope it will go away soon.

Today Adam is ten months and eight days. He only gained a few grams since last month, but at 10 kg and 82 cm he’s still bigger than other infants in the same age.

His four teeth appeared exactly on the same day a few weeks ago. I thought brushing his teeth would be a difficult task. It turned out that he loves getting them brushed.

Besides finger toothbrush, I also use Spiffies twice daily. He simply can’t get enough of them.

If you can’t get toothwipes, you could make you own. Just wet a small clean cloth with luke warm water. Wrap it around your index finger, and it’s ready to use. Not sure whether the baby will like it as much though. I’ve never tried this myself.

However, dental hygiene is important. Maybe I’m a bit paranoid about this, but you can never be too careful.

I know as mothers we have like never ending tasks to do. Well, who said raising a kid was a part time job? For that reason, I’ve seen many mommies forgot to pay extra attention to their children’s dental care.

I hope I’m not one.

Not only decayed teeth will mar the baby’s smile and give him unpromising breath, they may affect the growth of the permanent teeth.

If you asked me about Manohara Odelia Pinot, 17, three months ago, I’d certainly say I had never heard of her. But within these last two months she’s probably become more famous than Susan Boyle in Indonesia.

The reason? It’s none other than her “Cinderella” story. In short, last year the girl married a thirty-year-old prince from Kelantan, Malaysia. Yet, instead of living happily ever after, she ended up locked in the palace. The prince charming allegedly abused and using her as a sex slave. She was said to have her breasts slashed and things like that . Long story short, the tale has become national headlines thanks to Mano’s mommy dearest, Daisy Fajarina.

And at last, Mano could flee from her husband while she’s in Singapore. She reportedly called the local police and pleaded for help. Now she’s back in Indonesia and already filing for divorce. Good for her.

Momma Fajarina, on the other hand, was still working her fifteen minutes of fame. Always being helpful to the press, she provided all details of the treatments received by her daughter, and ended it by saying, “No parent could be silent if their child was treated in such a barbaric way.”

Well since I’m a mother myself, I couldn’t agree more with her on that. But then again, no parent in their right mind to give consent to their underage daughter to get married at all — and especially not to a 30-year-old man!

There may only be two reasons for the marriage to be so urgent. First, if Mano couldn’t live unless she received financial support from the guy. But this is obviously not the case Mano’s situation. She’s a model, and she was actually romantically involved with Adrie Bakrie, the son of Aburizal Bakrie. Just thinking, how old was she when she started dating? Hmm, and mommy actually allowed that?

Anyways, the second reason is if Mano had unplanned pregnancy. But this is also not the case. So why Ms Fajarina didn’t ask the prince to wait is beyond me. Mano was not short of suitors, so it’s like mommy was selling her to the highest bidder.

Would she give her consent if the guy weren’t a prince? Nah! Methinks it’s clear what her motive was in marrying her daughter to this prince. She was actually the one to introduce the prince to Mano at a gala dinner hosted by the Malaysian PM when she was only 14, saying that the prince wanted to befriend her. Lame!

Many parents see their children as long-term investments. Just think of the old saying “banyak anak banyak rejeki” or “many children, much fortune’, which means children are the major source of income. In other words, children must repay their parents — usually materially. Of course there’s nothing wrong with children helping their parents, especially when they can afford it. But it’s not okay to ask them to give more than what they could.

Don’t forget, parents may choose whether or not they want a child — and not the opposite.

Just thought I’d share a picture of Adam with you guys. Here he is at Istana, on last Labor Day.

Now in his sixth month, he’s 9 kg and 75 cm. His height is already more than half of mine. In short, he’s BIG, but not that kinda big. His height and weight percentiles are evently matched–both are over 90 per cent.

Who knows, I could be weightlifting champion by next year!

Still being in confinement, lately I haven’t followed much news. Two days ago Zsolt passed me this article, and it really breaks my heart to read it:

“After 21 days at the Children’s Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH), baby Rizal Idris breathed his last.

He was barely a month old.

The baby, who weighed 2.93kg at birth on 27 Nov, had been fighting for his life because of a bacterial infection that his mother had caught while she was carrying him.

His mother did not know that she was suffering from a vaginal infection that affects about 14 per cent of pregnant women here. She gave birth to him at KKH.

Baby Rizal suffered from what is known as Group B Streptococcus Infection (GBS). It was passed on from his mother, Madam Norashikin Latiff, 31, during delivery.”

This could happen to anyone. I was also tested positive for this GBS, but I was more fortunate because I opted for C-section–not just because of this infection, but other complications too.

I did panic when I heard of my test result. I can relate to Madam Latiff. In many cases doctors seem to be too busy to take some time to explain to their patients. In my case, my gynae hardly spent more than five minutes with me — sometimes even less. Fortunately both Adam and I are healthy.

At times I found it difficult to accept than one moment I was told I had an infection, and the next minute I was told to calm down as if nothing happened. I’m sure it’s only because the doctor had too many patients in line, but patients are paying, aren’t they? In general I feel like many of my questions went unanswered as she was always in a hurry to dismiss me, and the nurses were impatient and quick-tempered. I won’t return there ever again, and if all patients think like I do, then she’d lose her cash-machine.

Anyways, my thoughts go with baby Rizal’s family. And perhaps this is an eye opener for the rest of us. It’s very important for us, mommies, to find the right gynae. And even if we have, don’t forget to get second opinion when you’re in doubt.

A month after Adam was born, I’ve already thought of trying to get things back to the way they used to be. What I mean by that is to shed my baby weight, put on a little make up while the hubby is around, or get my hair a Korean perm or something like that.

…

To tell the truth, it’s like a mission impossible. Kudos to mommies who have three kids and could still manage to look their best, but I just can’t find the time–at least for now. Perming my hair will take at least four hours, and meanwhile whom can I leave my baby with? And though I’m still as vain as I was, I do think it’s not worth it to put on some make up while staying at home all day, dealing with baby’s poo and all that.

I did my post natal massage though. I took a five-day package from a Malay lady that my friend recommended. She did an amazing job, although it was a bit painful on the tummy, I lost 10 kg after finishing the massage. I had to wait for two weeks after the operation for this massage. If you had normal labor, then you could start such massage much earlier and thus the result would be more obvious. But who am I to say? Result may vary, of course. As for me, I don’t drink any jamu and hardly wear my binder.

But then again, having to cope with all house chores and a newborn baby would be enough to shed some pounds. How’s your experience?

I think most mothers would dream of having a natural delivery–if they could help it. But there are times when things don’t go as we planned. And although I never thought it would happen to me, it did.

When Adam was still breech in the 38th week of my pregnancy, we finally scheduled for a C-section. I was terrified. But at that time it seemed to be the best option, what with his position and

You can say that the operation has very low risk and all, but anyone would know it’s still a major surgery. I had hemorrhoid operation last year, and I had to wait until 1.5 month to be able to walk normally.

So I was kinda expecting worse things to happen after the C-section procedure, considering that I would have to stay in the hospital for four days. When the gynae asked whether I’d choose regional or general anaesthetics, I was quick to decide GA–because of my fears.

I’ve heard enough tales about C-sections gone bad, and women who undergo it would heal very slowly. Well, turns out that it all depends on ourselves and our pain threshold. Mine is low, but I could already walk–though very very slowly–on the second day after the surgery. In fact, I didn’t feel any pain on the first day, at least not until I started to walk. The pain came right when I began to step, but it was nothing compared to my hemorrhoid operation.

The only setback was that I couldn’t see Adam’s face until the second day, but on the third day I could already breastfeed him. He was cute and healthy–and big.

One week after, I could walk perfectly. I still had not done all house chores, but my condition improved swiftly.

Now it’s exactly 5 weeks after Adam was born. The wound, though still swollen a bit, is looking no more than pigmentation. It’s hardly visible, and only painful when I feel too tired. Otherwise, I have no complaint.

The arguments about this subject will not stop soon, but I’ve learned. Sometimes it doesn’t depend on us. At the end of the day, when you look into your baby’s eyes, you’d just say, “If I had to do it all again, I would do it the same way”. Maybe I’d just choose another hospital.

At last, our bundle of joy has arrived. His name is Adam Sebastian Petreny, born exactly two weeks ago. My apologies for taking so long to update. We all stayed in the hospital for 4 days after the operation, and I’ve been in confinement since then.

Adam was born 3.2 kg and 51.6 cm at birth. He looks more like his daddy, and acts like him too. He rarely cries, only when he’s hungry

The first week was a bit scare for us. He had a little jaundice, and infection–and then had allergic reaction to amoxicillin. Thank God he is fine now, and has gained weight quite a lot.

The surgery wasn’t actually half as painful as I expected it to be. I could already walked on the second day (with lots of assistance, of course!), and I’m recovering well. In fact, I’ve taken off my plaster yesterday. It’s more like pigmentation rather than scar.

I’ll have to cut short here, but I’ll be back with more updates soon.

I’m still in week 38 actually, but I’ve already got the C-section date confirmed. It will be on November 4, which means only six more days! He’s still breech, and his head is too big for my pelvis. His body is rather small though. I’ll still have another appointment with the gynae on Friday. We’ll see whether he’s turned.

Fingers crossed everything should be all right.

— and actually only eight more days before we’ll have to schedule for a C-section