Searching for Utopia

What did you get on your wedding anniversary? Me, nothing that I couldn’t get on any other days.

In the first few years, Zsolt had always been diligent in buying me a bouquet of flowers as anniversary gift. After a while, he gave up — the poor chap.

And who could blame him,after all it’s a common knowledge that most women are flower sniffers. Isn’t it why they have that saying “say it with flowers”?

For me, though, it’s not necessary to celebrate wedding anniversary. Come on now, aren’t we supposed to celebrate our marriage everyday?

Of course I love getting gifts, but not flowers please. Methinks flowers are the easiest, most useless and predictable gifts.

Choosing a gift for somebody takes time. Many men don’t have the time — nor patience — to do it, so usually they’d just grab some red roses. It works most of the time!

But really, what can you do with flowers besides showing them off to relatives and friends? They’ll wither and die after a few days, and there goes the hubby’s hard-earned cash.

Seriously ladies, do you prefer flowers to — say, D & D books? I’d choose the books anytime!

But that’s just me. The truth is that men keep buying flowers, and women continue sniffing them like there’s no tomorrow.

Anyways, happy sixth anniversary to my husband Zsolt. Thank you for not getting me flowers.

If you asked me about Manohara Odelia Pinot, 17, three months ago, I’d certainly say I had never heard of her. But within these last two months she’s probably become more famous than Susan Boyle in Indonesia.

The reason? It’s none other than her “Cinderella” story. In short, last year the girl married a thirty-year-old prince from Kelantan, Malaysia. Yet, instead of living happily ever after, she ended up locked in the palace. The prince charming allegedly abused and using her as a sex slave. She was said to have her breasts slashed and things like that . Long story short, the tale has become national headlines thanks to Mano’s mommy dearest, Daisy Fajarina.

And at last, Mano could flee from her husband while she’s in Singapore. She reportedly called the local police and pleaded for help. Now she’s back in Indonesia and already filing for divorce. Good for her.

Momma Fajarina, on the other hand, was still working her fifteen minutes of fame. Always being helpful to the press, she provided all details of the treatments received by her daughter, and ended it by saying, “No parent could be silent if their child was treated in such a barbaric way.”

Well since I’m a mother myself, I couldn’t agree more with her on that. But then again, no parent in their right mind to give consent to their underage daughter to get married at all — and especially not to a 30-year-old man!

There may only be two reasons for the marriage to be so urgent. First, if Mano couldn’t live unless she received financial support from the guy. But this is obviously not the case Mano’s situation. She’s a model, and she was actually romantically involved with Adrie Bakrie, the son of Aburizal Bakrie. Just thinking, how old was she when she started dating? Hmm, and mommy actually allowed that?

Anyways, the second reason is if Mano had unplanned pregnancy. But this is also not the case. So why Ms Fajarina didn’t ask the prince to wait is beyond me. Mano was not short of suitors, so it’s like mommy was selling her to the highest bidder.

Would she give her consent if the guy weren’t a prince? Nah! Methinks it’s clear what her motive was in marrying her daughter to this prince. She was actually the one to introduce the prince to Mano at a gala dinner hosted by the Malaysian PM when she was only 14, saying that the prince wanted to befriend her. Lame!

Many parents see their children as long-term investments. Just think of the old saying “banyak anak banyak rejeki” or “many children, much fortune’, which means children are the major source of income. In other words, children must repay their parents — usually materially. Of course there’s nothing wrong with children helping their parents, especially when they can afford it. But it’s not okay to ask them to give more than what they could.

Don’t forget, parents may choose whether or not they want a child — and not the opposite.

I’m feeling a bit sentimental at the moment. Yesterday I heard my neighbor played an old song from Backstreet Boys. It goes something like this:

I’ll never break your heart
I’ll never make you cry
I’d rather die than live without you
…

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not gonna talk about how much I was into Nick Carter (yuck!!!!). It’s just that the song brought back memories from more than ten years ago — that is when I was still in school.

What did you hate the most in school? I had a lot to hate but one of them is the flag ceremony held every Monday morning. You know, students and teachers must stand for 30 minutes to sing national anthem, listening to speeches yadda yadda yadda.

I never know who first had the idea of enforcing it to schools and all institutions. Mr. Suharto? Anyways, I used to envy students in the USA — those whom I saw from movies. They didn’t have to wear uniform, they never had ceremonies, they never had to salute their teachers.

Overall, I thought ceremony was utterly useless. Oh, if you haven’t known, its purpose was said to boost our patriotism — our love to the nation. But most students like me couldn’t see it. Many of us would make up excuses just to skip it.

“Look at those Western people. They love their nations, even if they never have such ceremonies,” or so we thought.

Ten years later, who would’ve thought that listening to those songs we used to sing in the ceremony would have different effect. Take this one:

I don’t know about you who are lucky enough to be able to live your lives in Indonesia. But for those who have been away for years, like myself, such songs are enough to reduce me to tears. They brought back the memories of my childhood. And they remind me so much of Indonesia — of the morning dew, of the way people still know each other by names so you won’t need GPS, of everything. If there were bad things, they’re all forgiven (mostly).

Di sana tempat lahir beta
dibuai, dibesarkan bunda
Tempat berlindung di hari tua
sampai akhir menutup mata

Given my current circumstances, Singapore is the right place to live in. But I still miss Indonesia. I miss tempe gembus. I miss my cat Temon. I miss becak.

I’m just feeling sentimental.

Is this the result after doing that ceremony for twelve years? The person who created it must have been a genius.

Yesterday I received an email from Indonesian Abroad, saying that they’ve included this blog on their listing. Thank you very much. It’s good to be a part of the community. Hopefully I can contribute with more posts in the future.

Not just any kind of es buah, but this kind of es buah. It looks yummy, right? But where can I get blewah here in Singapore?

For Javanese mothers, Baby Slings are must have mothering essentials. They have been around for so long that even nowadays many mothers still prefer them to strollers.

And indeed, in many cases baby carrying not only benefits the baby, but also for the mommy and daddy.

I’ve experienced this with a friend of mine at a shopping mall. We had to wait for at least ten minutes in front of the elevator, before finally giving up — being in Singapore, there was never enough space inside for us two and the stroller. So we decided to take the escalator. And it was our luck that it happened to be stopped for maintenance. At 38 kg, it was quite a challenge for me to carry the 13 kg stroller down from level 4 to level 1. I just couldn’t imagine if I had to carry both the baby and the stroller alone.

Another thing, carrying your baby would give you better bonding with him. Just like when he was still in your womb, he could hear your heart beat, and moreover, it helps you to breastfeed in discreet. It won’t benefit the daddy, of course, unless he too breastfeeds, but it will help the child to become familiar with his movements.

For the baby, to be carried in sling is also more comfortable. He could communicate with you easily, because he is close to you physically. You’ll find out sooner when he’s hungry or needs a nappy change, just from his facial expresions. He wouldn’t need to cry first to attract your attention.

The only disadvantage of it is perhaps you should consider your own fitness. If you have any back problems, for example, then it might not be for you. But then again, carrying a 3 kg baby on an overhead bridge is still better than having to carry 13 kg stroller with the 3 kg baby in it.

Nowadays slings come in many styles, colors and types. They’re not just comfy, but they look good too! Visit this site to purchase yours.

A recent survey by Jakarta Legal Institute found that many of the people arrested in Jakarta between January 2007 and January 2008 were subject to abuse.

The Jakarta Post reported that not less than 80 per cent of nearly 400 inmates who took part in the survey had experienced torture of some kind. Some of them were shot in the foot and had their chests stomped on by police, and some others claimed to have been electrocuted. Not only that, police also threatened them at gun point during investigations.

A police spokesman, of course, had refused to comment on this.

I never lived in Jakarta, but I heard similar case from my own neighbor in a small town in East Java. I was still in Junior High at that time, and that neighbour was arrested for stealing a chicken. During his term in jail, he was given electric shock — as well as being beaten. Well, he wasn’t the best neighbor I ever had, but being tortured for a chicken doesn’t really sound fair.

Another time, when I visited my cousin who was hospitalized with dengue fever, an inmate was also treated in the same hospital. He was shot for trying to escape when police caught him. He was guilty of stealing a log of wood.

Unlike Anggun who abhors capital punishment, I think to some extent it’s needed. However, torturing prisoners is another story. It’s just plain inhumane. Unfortunately, this is not really something new, even our most famous author, Pramoedya Ananta Toer, had to experienced it himself.

But of course, police can treat their inmate very well too. Just look at the Ganja Queen Schapelle Corby. In the past, people in Australia condemned Indonesia for refusing to deport her to her homeland. They feared that she’d be mistreated during her term. The truth is, this is what happened to her:

“Australian drug trafficker Schapelle Corby, who is serving a 20-year jail term in Indonesia for smuggling marijuana, spent several hours having her hair and nails done in a Bali beauty salon on Wednesday.
The 30-year-old beautician, whose case is the subject of a documentary film and is frequently in the media spotlight, was convicted in 2005 of smuggling 4.1 kg (9 lb) of marijuana from Australia to Bali.
Flanked by two armed officers, Corby went to a beauty salon in the Balinese capital located near a hospital where she has been receiving treatment for depression, witnesses said.”

Hm, do Australian police also take their inmates to salon when they suffer depression?

Another convict, Tommy Suharto also had no complaints of any mistreatment when he was jailed back in 2002. BBC even described his situation as ‘incarcerated in style’. While other inmates had to share a cell with nine other people, Tommy’s cell had three rooms, 53-centrimetre (21-inch) Sony Trinitron TV, fan and a food container holding various flavours of instant noodles — oh and a branded toilet.

Some inmates are better off than the rest.

Just a little update on Mike Tramp and Ayu Azhari for you. It looks like baby number two is on the way for the couple.

Ayu Azhari is said to be eight months into pregnancy now. Her due date is in the first week of September. It’s said that she’ll give birth in the US. Who knows, some of you may bump into her.

Her sister, Sarah, has confirmed the news.

For Ayu, the baby will be her sixth child. She already has one child from her first husband, three more from the second, and another one from Tramp.

Related posts:
Enter sarah Azhari’s Blog
It’s Official: Mike Tramp, Ayu Azhari and Baby Isabel

So, the Olympics have come to an end. What do you feel? Honestly, I’m rather relieved. Phew! Now hopefully I can get back to watch my favorite series, after being bombarded with those Olympics-related news and events for the whole month.

I’m not being a hater, but I actually fail to see how the games could achieve their purpose as to foster the idea to promote friendship among nations. What friendship?

I don’t know about you, but what I’ve seen, people tend to be more nationalist during the games. Well, nothing is wrong with taking pride in our own roots. Just don’t overdo it, because it means betraying the spirit of the Olympics — to make friends with other nations, that is.

In FIFA World Cup, you may do that. The purpose of the tournament is to find who’s the best, after all. You can cheer or boo your favorite team all you want. In some case, it even has nothing to do with being nationalists. Many Indonesians would support Brazil, for example. It’s only for the sake of the game.

But in the Olympics, it’s different. It’s all down to you and your country. An athlete is only worth mentioning when s/he wins. Maybe that explains why some of them even considered of using doping to achieve this.

No wonder Indonesia’s female lifter Lisa Rumbewas wept all night because she got no medal. She had silver in 2000 and 2004, mind you. Couldn’t we just tell her that she didn’t lose? She didn’t give up the medal to just about anyone, anyway. It’s her own friends who won. But, nay. Athletes came to fight — and vanquish all opponents, if possible.

Ask Michael Phelps. Did he come to the Olympics to make friends, or to beat the rest? The answer is obvious, methinks. Well, maybe it’s a bonus if he got himself a girlfriend while doing it.

Foreign leaders praised China’s success in holding the games, but who hasn’t read of the news about the lip-synch scandal? I get it, even Mariah Carey does it sometimes. But then again she can really sing — when she wants to, at least. Lip-synching to somebody else is not OK. Remember Milli Vanilli?

Anyway, the scandal (and others) triggered backlash from other countries/ media/ artists etc. I haven’t done any research, and probably won’t start to, but I think sometimes people taunt each others because of Olympics. Did your colleagues ask why your country is only good in badminton, and nothing else? Or perhaps they asked why your country could only get a medal after luring foreign talents? Normally you wouldn’t receive such questions, but hey it’s Olympics time!

Therefore, folks, I’m glad it’s over, and we all can be friends again regardless of our nationalities. You can celebrate your victory. But don’t forget it’ll be over before too long, while your colleagues will remain longer than that.

Who said that extra pounds are ok? Well, not in Alabama at least. Not less than 37,527 state employees there have been given a year to shed their weight, or they must pay $25 a month for insurance that otherwise is free.

Before this policy, the state has actually charged $24 per month for smoking employees. Understandably enough, those who have to pay for both are bound to be unhappy.

The State Employees’ Insurance Board will consider a person to be obese if his/her body mass index is 35 and higher. After given a year without any progress, the person will have to pay the charge.

The board has not yet determined how much progress a person would have to show and is uncertain how many people might be affected because everyone could avoid the charge by working to lose weight.

I think any yo-yo dieters can easily escape the charge though. If you know you’ll have your health screenings within the next two weeks, for example, then you can just ease down on your fried chicken for a while, that’s all. When you’ve passed the screenings, you can munch all you want. That’s not a good advice, I know. I just don’t think such policy will really be effective.

I my opinion, Singapore’s approach in this case will be more fruitful, though no doubt, a bit insensitive. Criticism towards obesity is so high here that you’ll often hear such remarks, “Pig — Some people call us pig. and if you see my name – my name is zul – so if you translate it directly into Chinese it’s pig. So most of the people insult me. ”

He happens to be a sixth-grader with some extra pounds on him. And here’s how it’s handled:

“Of course, such taunting of overweight kids is hardly unique to Singapore. But while schools in other countries try to stop this kind of behavior by telling children that everyone is equal and worthy of respect, Singapore’s program has exacerbated the stigma of being overweight. By dividing the children into two groups – the fit and the fat – the schools impose a kind of segregation. And this segregation can extend outside the clubs, into the cafeteria.”

Agree or not, this program is a success. While in the United States the number of obese children has tripled since 1980, in Singapore it has fallen from 14 to nine per cent in the past 15 years.

I personally think that people in Asia tend to be more straightforward in speaking their minds to others about such things. I didn’t grow up in Singapore. Although nobody ever called me a pig when I was still in school, schoolmates made sure that I knew I was big.

I hated it. Then again, it kept me motivated. It took me years, but it worked. Of course, everyone is equal and deserves the same respect — regardless of size. But if you’re under no pressure to lose weight, naturally you will never make any effort to do so.

Dare to try?

Good news for you, folks — not so much for the ladies though. New research conducted by the University of Sheffield in UK suggests that men from polygamous cultures live 12 per cent longer than those from monogamous ones.

Chris Wilson, an evolutionary anthropologist at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York also said, “It’s a valid hypothesis and good prediction. It doesn’t surprise me that men in those societies live longer than men in monogamous societies, where they become widowed and have nobody to care for them.”

But how about the women? Next time they should also do the same research on women.

Ever tired of the Azharis’ antics? Well, this family is quite “entertaining”. Ayu, the eldest one, has been lying low lately. In the past, however, she shocked people with her nude scenes on Without Mercy alongside Frank Zagarino. Since then she hasn’t starred in any notable international movies, but her love life has seen her married three times. Her current hubby is former White Lion frontman Mike Tramp.

Ibra is the only man among the pack. Less known for his “artistic” prowess, he’s now serving his time in jail for drug offence.

Sarah Azhari followed big sis’ suit. Her sexuality has catapulted her to stardom. No stranger to controversy, she had a daughter out of wedlock, and not less than two men insisted on fathering the baby. But the secret remains with Sarah. In 2006, the curvy one was charged guilty of assaulting a journalist — and got four months of jail. The case is not finished yet.

Rahma is — well you’ve got the point by now. Just google her name and you’ll get all the info you want to know.

Of course it’s not fair until you hear the other side of the story. I’m actually being nice this time by helping Sarah to promote her official blog: VVIP Room. Read on. Who knows, maybe she’s (they’re?) just misunderstood.

Related Posts:
It’s Official: Mike Tramp, Ayu Azhari and Baby Isabel
Make Love Not War

I’m Indonesian, and so far haven’t thought of changing my citizenship. Zsolt is Hungarian, and it’s the same for him — it has never crossed his mind to change it.

Citizenship is a sensitive subject. Most people will likely to associate your nationalism with it. Say, if you lose it, that means you no longer have love for your country.

Of course, in reality it’s not that simple. Remember the 1965 coup in Indonesia? Well, it happened long before I was born, but it’s no secret that many of our scholars who were studying abroad couldn’t return home due to some (many?) political reasons. In fact, most likely they’d have to risk their lives if they insisted on going back.

When it comes to a matter of life and death, it’s understandable that they chose to remain abroad — and adopted new citizenships. I know some of those people still live in Hungary nowadays, and a number of them even managed to be succesful scientists. Our loss!

However, that’s just a very extreme example why some people need new citizenships.

There are other reasons though. Indonesia’s (France’s?) most famous singer, Anggun said on an interview with Playboy Indonesia in 2006:

“I dislike such questions [about citizenship], it’s like many people still don’t get it. I have tried to explain many times why I changed citizenship. It’s because Indonesian government never assisted me. Indonesia never helps me to achieve success. In fact, people always criticize me—”

I know, it’s old news. But my point is that, dissatisfaction can lead someone to do as Anggun did. Was she wrong? Was she right? I don’t know, it depends on your point of view — as always.

In her case I think she was actually misinformed. On the help she claimed she never received from the government, she said further:

“I’d have liked them to help me to apply visa. Once I visited the Indonesian Embassy, because I thought they’d have lots of facilities. I asked the ambassador to provide certain facilities for me, so I could promote our culture more easily to other countries.
“He said, ‘I can’t, even my own children can’t get such facilities.’
“Why would the ambassador’s children need such facilities anyway? I guess they just need to study abroad.”

I wish she had more time to google some info for herself. I don’t mean to take side with the ambassador, but he’s kinda right. It didn’t depend on him whether an Indonesian should get a visa to enter a foreign country or not,— and it never will. It all depends on the destination country.

Why? Well, we can never be sure, since none of them tell us why. Maybe it’s just our (bad?) luck, maybe it’s due to our bad reputation with terrorism, maybe they fear illegal workers, maybe they think we’re just (sadly) developing country — there can be many things.

I’m sure French people get easier access in travelling, but let’s say, now whenever Anggun wants to promote her album in Indonesia, she too would need to get the right kind of visa first. She can’t just ask the French ambassador to give her the facility to enter Indonesia, because he has no right to do so.

I did hear other cases when people decided to change citizenships to upgrade their social status. Now this sounds a bit ridiculous, I must say. But anyway, everyone have their own priorities. One thing for sure, nowadays we’re all citizens of the world. Being an Indonesian doesn’t make me like Singapore less. Having a different citizenship than my husband doesn’t make me love him less.

When asked about her sudden change of heart to wear bikini on the last Miss Universe pageant, Miss Indonesia Putri Raemawasti said, “My adrenaline was pumping because of the intense competition. I just wanted to give the best for my nation. What’s wrong with wearing two-pieces [bikinis]?”

Translation: wearing bikini is the best she could do for her nation?

Related posts:
Revisit Puteri Indonesia 2004: the Aftermath of the Miss Universe 2005
The Controversy over Artika Sari Devi: the Show is Over
Miss Universe 2005: When English Proficiency Becomes a Blunder

The European Commission has maintained a ban on all Indonesian airlines flying to the European Union, saying that Indonesia had not introduced an efficient safety oversight regime and that safety gains had not yet been assessed by the International Civil Aviation Organisation.

Having hoped that the ban would be lifted by the end of July, obbviously Indonesia are unhappy with the decision. Foreign ministry spokesperson Teuku Faizasyah even issued a comment that the ban could be politically motivated.

The ban was first imposed on 51 airlines last year after a series of accidents occured, including an Adam Air plane which killed everyone on board.

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono has delayed his plan to travel to Europe, to talk about the fuel prices hike. Stating his stand on this matter, he would only visit EU states on board Garuda Indonesia.

The disappointment is unsurprising. Indonesia’s tourism has greatly suffered from strings of natural disasters, and also terrorist attacks. Without doubt, most people must think that the ban would only mean another blow.

I am too shamed, naturally. But I beg to differ on the last point. Even before the ban, in recent years there have been no airlines from Indonesia which fly to Europe — except through code-share agreements. And do correct me if I’m wrong, but as far as I know the only airline to ever do so was Garuda Indonesia. Thus, isn’t it a bit ridiculous to delay other important issues, just to save the face of Garuda Indonesia? In any case, the government could just improve the airlines’ safety system to get the ban lifted. As Xinhua News Agency reported, Garuda only performede nine survey of 56 required from January through to April.