From the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mark 10:6-9)

The teaching of the Bible has clearly stated the importance of marriage in the passage. In Indonesia—where most people are Muslims—they would rather turn to Quran:

Among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); Surely, in that are signs for those who reflect. (Ar-Rum 30: 21)

Obviously most religions suggest that a marriage should be based on love. In reality, however, it is not that easy. At least Indonesia’s Kokom did not totally approve—not when poverty still lingered. Back in 1998, the junior high graduate was having constant problems in her life with her USD 30 wage—in a month, mind you. It was barely enough. Then suddenly her boss, a Korean citizen, proposed. Seeing some glittering chance for a better future, Kokom agreed to tie the knot.

There was supposed to be a problem: they were both already married. Nevertheless they found a solution. They had an urfi marriage. It was absolutely undocumented by the local government. The only paper Kokom had to sign was the prenuptial agreement written by her Korean husband; stating things such as: she would be his wife only as long as he wanted her—which means that she had no right for any of his wealth except those given to her. On love, Kokom said, “If my husband wanted to see other women, I must not be angry.”

Since then she still lived at her old house with her first husband. But now she could afford to give him USD 50/month. Once in a while, her Korean husband would stay with them whenever he wanted to. At times she is worried that one day the man would return to Korea. That would be the day when their marriage is over. “But he promised to keep sending money,” she said. She apparently leans on that single promise and has no idea that her marriage has no legal power whatsoever.

And she is not alone. There are many other Kokoms in Indonesia who are willing for a marriage with a preset duration to upgrade their economic and social status. In Islam, the practice is called as mut’ah marriage. The practice is frowned upon and considered an outlaw. Yet it is still happening. Business is most often to be the purpose.
In Jepara, Central Java, urfi marriage has been a part of the society. The city, known as a center for furniture industry in Indonesia, has apparently attracted foreign entrepreneurs to come and establish their business. Mostly these foreigners use visitor or business visa, but many stayed without clear status afterwards.

For a reason, they then married to local women and used the women’s name to establish companies and buy property. It has been made clear since the day they were married. The women, on the other hand, had no objection as they thought they also received some benefits from the agreement: more wealth without having to be a prostitute in the society’s view.

Furthermore, many parents agreed with their daughters’ mut’ah marriage, because of that financial reason. Thus the marriage is never kept in secret. They invite guests to the wedding to avoid rumors. It matters not that the bride is to become the second, third, or even fourth wife—for only a few years. Such a marriage lasts between two to twenty years—and the contract can be prolonged.

Is it another form of discrimination towards women? May be; maybe not! There is no denying that some women enjoyed such a life. I doubt Kokom would choose to return to her old life had she been given the chance. Perhaps to her it is only another form of a prenuptial agreement. What matters is that she could get her advantage from the relationship while it lasts. There had been an attempt from the ministry of religious affairs to declare this kind of marriage as legal. When both parties do it without force, who is said to be the victim? In Kokom’s case, at least, the man’s wife in Korea would suffer the most—if she knew. Regardless of her knowledge, that is enough reason to keep such a marriage forbidden.

A woman preferred to be called as D said, “Next year my husband might return to his wife in Australia. But what else can I do, I have signed the papers.” She knew there was no love in her marriage. But the facilities she got from her contract lured her to sign.

Another woman, Juariah, stated that she could now drive her own car and have her own apartment, which was all beyond her imagination when she was still working in a factory. Many colleagues proposed to her, but she turned them down—because she knew she would never have such things if she were married to one of them. Now, her Korean husband has changed her life. Only then she realized that money cannot buy her happiness. She confessed that her status has brought shame at times. “When I passed by the neighbors’ house, I could not hold my chin up. I am not pride of myself,” she said.